Michael paced back and forth in front of the construction trailer with a very worried look on his face, wringing his hands and saying over and over — see Fred, must see Fred, important, where’s Fred, see Fred, must see Fred, important, where’s Fred. Then he would stop in front of the door and rap exactly 3 times – see Fred, must see Fred, important, where’s Fred, see Fred, must see Fred, important, where’s Fred. It was like that every day; day in and day out.
I was working with a wonderful brother in the Lord a number of years ago on a large church remodeling project —you guessed it; Fred. For those of you who don’t know Fred, he’s one in a million. We have been dear friends for nearly 30 years now and a better friend you won’t find in the world. On the job he is a perfectionist. He is of the old school – he gives his word and his work always follows his word; even to his own hurt if need be. He is totally focused on the job and subcontractors realize very quickly that Fred doesn’t miss a thing and they better have the same attitude toward the job as he does. In days long ago before Fred became a Christian to ignore that always had serious repercussions. Well the job in question was probably 25 years ago and I can tell you, Fred hasn’t changed. And I suspect Michael hasn’t either.
Neither of us knew much about Michael except he came to church every Sunday and sat in the back row with his mom. I guess he was somewhere in his early twenties but in his mind he was far younger. As I look back on it now Michael was autistic, which I didn’t understand at the time. His brain functioned in a place that was far removed from where the rest of the world was. For example, someone would tell Michael that they were born on October 27th. His immediate reply was … year, what year, gotta know the year. You would barely spit out the year and he would shout … Friday! I never saw him miss a date. No matter what date you gave him he knew the day of the week it fell on. I saw people give him historic dates and he never missed … that was about all we knew about Michael. Well, that and the fact that he was very quickly making a nuisance of himself.
Every time either one of us left the construction trailer he would start in. When we weren’t looking he would be wandering around the construction job and we’d have to lead him out and tell him to stay away for his own safety. It got so we would wait until he was around the corner before leaving the trailer. Year or no specific year, day or no day, he was becoming a real pain in the neck.
Fred finally told me he simply couldn’t get anything done with Michael pestering him constantly and telling him he had something important to tell him. In frustration I finally had a rather firm talk with Michael and told him rather harshly he couldn’t come near the job any more.
It was like I had just kicked a little puppy. He was devastated and as he turned to walk away he continued to wring his hands; see Fred, must see Fred, important, where’s Fred, see Fred, must see Fred, important, where’s Fred. Well, I had released my frustration but as I hung my head I felt about as big as the ant crawling past the toe of my boot. I did what was right didn’t I? After all you can’t have a person like that hanging around interrupting all the time and maybe getting hurt. Could you?
Have you ever been in one of those places where God is making a point very clear to you and He makes certain you don’t miss it? Well for the past couple of months I have been on the receiving end of one of those points. He has been “discussing” the subject of grace with me. And you know how He does it; every time I turn around the subject comes up. And, case in point, He reminded me about Michael. And I have to tell you it still hurts when I think about it. Oh, not just what I said and how I said it — that was bad enough — but it’s also about but how the whole issue became a huge piece of humble pie … but more about that later.
Grace is a subject that we easily grab hold of – its how we were saved; by grace through faith. God’s unmerited favor or as someone once coined: Gods Riches At Christ’s Expense. But fully understanding it is another story. Unfortunately, however, many never do truly understand God’s grace and in a lot of cases it’s just something “we get” and far too often not something “we give.”
Consider for a moment a couple definitions of that word as used by the Holy Spirit in communicating with us. In the Old Testament Hebrew (chen) it usually meant pleasant, precious or well favored. In the New Testament Greek (charis) it went even deeper: graciousness (as gratifying), of manner or act (abstract or concrete; literal, figurative or spiritual; especially the divine influence upon the heart, and its reflection in the life; including gratitude).
In thinking back on that day (and sadly some others in my life) I am reminded of something the author of Ecclesiastes wrote; Solomon perhaps. It has always sort of hung out in the back of my mind:
Eccl 10:12 The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself.
Grace comes from the root word chanan, which is more to the point of this story: to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior; to favor, bestow; causatively to implore; have pity upon; show mercy; make supplication. Well, you get the idea – the exact opposite of my actions with Michael. Perhaps I should share a couple other verses that the Lord has been sending my way lately:
Rom 12:3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
1 Cor 1:27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
How often I have looked at grace as an “inbound” blessing and not an “outbound” one. It truly is easy to be gracious to those who are easy to love; you are gracious to me and I’ll be gracious to you. But when it comes to those that, well, aren’t so easy to love it’s a different story. And it all goes back to where our heart is. It’s almost always a heart issue, isn’t it!
For me at that moment, my heart was involved with the bigger picture. We had a job to do and a schedule and budget to meet. So in the “heat of the moment” I withheld my grace; not thinking “soberly” as it were. And at what cost? At the moment I didn’t even think of the cost as my priorities were centered on my own issues; I just felt bad for awhile. I had bigger fish to fry. I still shudder to think of the price Michael paid.
It’s sad but we see it all the time. The pressures “of the world” are the very things that keep us focused “on the world.” Yes we are “in” this world but we are not to become a part “of” it; adopting its way of life – its values. Unfortunately, however, we frequently let those pressures affect our business, our friendships, our family and most importantly our relationship with Jesus. If we are not constantly on guard we find ourselves withholding “our” grace from others while desperately holding onto “His” grace.
In our relationship with Jesus the sole goal is to become more like Him. To allow The Spirit to work in us to polish off the rough edges, turn up the heat and scour the dregs from the bottom of our pot. And I am learning that a very good measure of just how much progress has been is by the amount of grace that I extend to others. Jesus didn’t withhold His grace from anyone but I have to admit that I have.
That in itself is hard enough to face up to but the more troubling issue is that I’m often so caught up in what I’m doing that I don’t even realize I’m doing it. That especially shows up in how I relate with my family. Like with Michael, it’s very easy to take those around you for granted. I am so glad that Jesus did not take me for granted and look the other way when it came to His grace.
So we finished up that days work and went home without giving it another thought. Progress was being made and we were pretty close to being on time and budget. But the next morning had something very special – and sobering – in store.
I was sitting in the trailer going over the books when Fred walked in and sat down. He didn’t say a word. I looked at him and he was staring at a piece of notebook paper in his hand with some childish writing on it. “What’s the problem?”
He handed me the paper and as I began to read what was written Fred leaned back in his chair and said, “it’s true – every one of them.” I was flabbergasted. There on that paper in his childish handwriting Michael had written down a list of mistakes that had been made by the guys working on the job. Every one of them had been missed. Oh, it wasn’t that they might not have ultimately been found. But then the cost to repair them then would have been high. Fred looked at me and smiled, “he didn’t miss a thing;” the child in a man’s body that nobody took serious, just for granted.
I have to admit that every time I think about that episode in my life I get more than a little twinge of guilt. It still hurts. Was Michael being a pain? Yes, but it certainly didn’t warrant my dismissing him altogether the way that I did. And, sadly, I suspect I’m not the only one that has dismissed Michael in his life or many others just like him. How easy it is to get caught up in the “race” and miss out on putting your money on the “winning horse.”
Grace. We hear it preached all the time. We ask God for it all the time; never expecting to be refused. Why is it that somewhere between the inbox and the outbox that we file it away in one of our personal folders? We so easily ignore the fact that it goes hand in hand with one of the only two commandments Jesus gave us:
Mark 12:30-31 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. 31. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
God’s grace was revealed to us in His son and the work He completed on the cross. Jesus was Himself a beneficiary of God’s grace and at the end of the day He is the complete and perfect embodiment of what grace is all about. By His grace, and only by His grace, can we be restored in our relationship with the Father. But, we say, I can’t be gracious to that person; look what they have done to me.
A famous missionary to India, E. Stanley Jones, put his finger on it better than I ever can:
Grace binds you with far stronger cords than the cords of duty or obligation can bind you. Grace is free, but when once you take it, you are bound forever to the Giver and bound to catch the spirit of the Giver. Like produces like. Grace makes you gracious, the Giver makes you give.
Perhaps when those “opportunities” arise and we are tempted to say “I can’t do that,” it might be best to remember that part of Christ’s grace is His very Spirit; the Spirit of Grace that lives within the heart of every believer in Jesus.
October 27, 1944 … Friday! Somebody told me that once — somebody very special.